PERCUSSION ACQUISITION: ORCHESTRA CHIMES

I have said it over and over: "One day I'm gonna own a set of those chimes."  Ever since the first time I heard the song "Closer to the Heart" by Rush I have wanted to play a set of Orchestra Chimes.  I only got the opportunity to do so a couple of times, and even at that it was just for a few minutes, a far cry from the amount of time I would have liked to spend in order to get some "hands on" experience with this instrument.

I mean seriously, what could be cooler than playing this huge set of tubular chimes that sound like church bells when you strike them with a rawhide hammer?  The answer is nothing.  This is one of the most awesome instruments ever created.

It is also one of the most expensive.  I'm talking thousands, two or three times what your measly little 4-piece drum set and cymbals are worth.  This is a quality instrument, bub.  I have been monitoring eBay for a year looking for a used set of these chimes that somehow I might manage to bid on and win.  I knew a new set was out of the question, but if I could just find an old, beat-up model that some orchestra or high school band wanted to get rid of, I could snatch it for a reasonable price, maybe somewhere under a thousand.

The only set I came across was in pretty bad condition and needed a lot of work, but the price was rock-bottom.  Including shipping it would only be about.....$800.00.  That was the case until the bidding began and the selling price skyrocketed rather quickly to out of my range.  I was a little disappointed but after all, back then I had much more important items to acquire than a massive set of orchestra chimes.  Besides, that set had a broken frame, a few dented tubes and more than a few missing suspension wires.  I was sure I could do better.

Just recently I found what I was looking for.  This set was obviously used, a little scratched-up and weathered from age and abuse, but within striking range.  The best part was it was a "Buy It Now" item, so I was able to secure the deal without the hassle of competitive bidders jacking the price up.  This time my dream would not be foiled.  These chimes were mine!

In about a week I got the message from UPS that the chimes would be delivered that Thursday, which was surprisingly fast for such a large item.  Thursday came and I spent all day anticipating their arrival.  Finally at 7:30 PM I heard the rumble of a truck and Big Brown came into view (I, of course, was standing in the driveway anxiously waiting).

The package weighed one hundred and fifteen pounds and was the size of a coffin.  My heart jittered from fear that I had finally acquired my greatest dream and it was going to be crushed and destroyed by the extensive trip all the way from the Midwest.  I helped the UPS driver lower the behemoth package onto his hand truck and together we huffed and puffed it up the steep driveway to the house.

Because it was a little late to try to assemble this gigantic instrument immediately, I only opened the box to check that all the pieces were present and undamaged.  Everything checked out okay so I left my assembly project for the next day.

As it turned out, the process of fitting all the pieces back together was not as difficult as I thought it might be, and after a few trial-and-error attempts the whole thing came together beautifully.  All I had to do then was figure out a way to integrate this instrument into the Percussion Fortress.

I thought it would be fairly simple to just squeeze this massive chimes set behind my already-huge kit without having to move a whole lot of inventory.  This I managed to do by way of some seriously strenuous maneuvering involving precarious tilting, sliding and general manhandling which inflicted noticeable damage to certain muscular areas of my very old body that were quite sore for days afterwards.  I was quite pleased with my work until I attempted to play the chimes.  It was then I realized I had already broken them.

For a reason I could not determine, the damper pedal was suddenly stuck in the "dampened" position and would not move, so the tubes were permanently muted and would not resonate.  Upon closer examination, I guessed that there was something wrong with the dampening mechanism and I would need to get inside the damper box to investigate.  This meant I had to disassemble the chimes.....which I could not do with my drum kit in the way.

So for the next half hour or so I set about the task of moving the entire Percussion Fortress.  Yes, everything from the overhead racks down to the bass drum pedals.  Everything.  Every drum, cymbal, chime, block and cowbell had to be relocated to the other side of the room to make way for the Orchestra Chimes Repair Project.  I needed plenty of room to work and I also wanted to re-position my perimeter rug to accommodate my new acquisition.

Once I had a clear area I began taking apart the chimes I had just assembled, and when this was accomplished I broke down the damper box entirely so that I could figure out how it was supposed to work.  I did not discover any broken or missing pieces, but there was one little switch thingy that stumped me.  What was this mechanism?  What was it supposed to do?  There was only one way to find out:

Online research.

I spent about as much time running Google searches as you probably wasted reading this crap, but I learned some stuff about Orchestra Chimes and found some specification pages that would prove to be helpful.

For instance, I learned that my instrument is called "Classic Chimes" by Musser (a division of Ludwig), but are known generically as "Orchestra Chimes."  The terms "Tubular Chimes" or "Tubular Bells" are incorrect and should not be used.  I also learned that the proper way to strike the chimes is on the cap with the hammer perpendicular to the top edge, not at an angle as most people tend to want to do.  The tubes themselves, although very rigid and heavy-duty, should not be struck except with a softer rubber mallet, not the hammer.

I also finally figured out that the little spring mechanism is the "Sustain Lock Button" which enables the dampener to remain in the "open" position without having to keep the foot pedal pressed.  That makes sense.

So anyway, by the time this story is over, which should have been several paragraphs ago, I had the dampening mechanism repaired, the damper box screwed back together and the grand instrument assembled and working properly.  After a couple of days I had the entire fortress re-positioned and fully set-up, and the beautiful blonde princess married the handsome dark-haired prince and all was well in the kingdom for many years that followed.  As she gazed lovingly into his eyes, she thanked him saying, "You promised one day we would be blessed with a set of these magnificent chimes, and now our dream has come true."

"Yes, my love," he replied affectionately, "I meant what I said and I said what I meant.  A percussionist is faithful one hundred percent."  And with that they laughed heartily, made lovely music together and lived happily ever after.  The End.